Pruning Shears
[Editor’s Note: this joke qualifies as “totally tasteless.” If that offends you, please don’t read it.]
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two black plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There’s a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a police officer stops her.
“Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag,” he says.
“Damn!” says the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!”
“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?”
“Oh, no”, says the little old lady. “You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with my pruning shears, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!”
“That’s not very funny,” the cop says, wincing to himself at the thought of it. “What’s in the other bag?”
“Well”, says the little old lady, “not all of them pay up…”
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