Government Approves New Drug For Hand-Me-Downs Syndrome
By Robert Breckenridge
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration today greenlighted Jerck Pharmaceuticals to begin marketing a new drug aimed at stopping the crippling and sometimes fatal hand-me-downs syndrome.
Once thought to have been totally cured by the mid-to-late twentieth century, isolated cases of hand-me-downs syndrome have been popping up all over the country. Jerck has been working for over a decade to find an effective cure. HMDS usually begins in the fetus and affects both genders equally. It remains dormant until about age 6 and becomes immediately evident when the youngster begins complaining about their ill-fitting, unfashionable clothing. It then quickly cripples their fashion-oriented friendships.
Jerck’s new drug, Borremal, helps to treat the condition by dulling the spirit. Possible side effects include staring into space and listlessness.
Borremal will be administered by school nurses nationwide starting next year.
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