Flatulence Experts Make A Stink At Conference
By Robert Breckenridge
Leaders in the field of flatulence convened today at the International Gastrointestinal Gauging Summit. The goal of the conference was to determine what methods of fart measurement are scientific and therefore part of “Gastronomy”, and to determine what methods are quackery and relegate them to the much-maligned field of “Gastrology.”
“First of all, I resent being pigeon-holed as a quack,” squawked Harlan Sheckleby, a self-described Gastrologist. “I can pinpoint when and where you’ll have gas by using my patented ‘Tarot of the Seventh Sneeze’ tarot beads and palm incense technique.”
“That’s ridiculous,” countered Quinn Halversmead, Director of the Mayonnaise Clinic’s Gastronomy Lab. “I am a scientist and use technology to find out the facts of someone’s digestion. I should know. I am smarter than you because I am a scientist and scientists invented technology.”
The conference adjourned early because too many test subjects arrived and started making everyone nauseous.
Michael Breckenridge contributed to this story.
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