Female Anger Has A Half-Life Of Nearly 4,000 Years, Scientists Say
By Robert Breckenridge
Researchers and emotion pathologists at the National Anger Institute published a press release today stating that they finally discovered that female anger has a half-life of nearly 4,000 years. The breakthrough was achieved by isolating the DNA of a scorned woman, sequencing it, and then subjecting the specimen sample to intense ex-ray and ultraviolent light. The process effectively speeds up time.
Abdul Harkubar of the NAI had this to say: “It is finally the time when we as men know the consequences of asking if she is drinking diet soda.” Ray, the former lover of the woman whose name has not been released, said he’ll be more careful in the future when trying to think of something to say.
Egyptologists collaborating on the project can now close the book on the case of Darcissian Kronotopsis, an ancient Egyptian Queen who brutally stopped talking to her King. “The C-14 tests were showing some strange results, we couldn’t figure it out,” said project leader Jerome Sharp. “It turns out this half-life thing was getting in the way.”
It looks like Darcissian is finally going to calm down in another 5,000 years.
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