Employee Productivity Up 100% During Fire
By Robert Breckenridge
NORTH WACKOFF, VIRGINIA - Upper-level executives at Telehell, Inc., were dissatisfied with the fire marshal’s fire evacuation plan for their main headquarters. So they changed it. The original plan called for smoke detectors, fire beacons and emergency switches placed all over the building to be ready for potential disaster. During simulated fire drills, the beacons flashed brightly and sounded loudly. Employees fled for their lives.
“That’s a very negative situation,” commented Dean Asunder. “We didn’t like that. The stock price falls every time employees leave the building.”
Employee productivity, of course, fell to 0% while everyone was standing around outside.
The new plan calls for all fire equipment to be deactivated, so that the presence of a fire in the building doesn’t cause panic. After all, panic is bad, and people need to stay calm. Telehell executives put the new fire system to the test later yesterday afternoon when they torched the building.
The plan worked perfectly - employees continued to sit on the phone during the inferno. Their goal was achieved - 100% employee productivity during a fire.
Telehell plans on filing an insurance claim for three times the building’s worth and hiring a new staff of employees when they open their new headquarters later this spring.
Telehell plans to issue gift cards to those lost in the blaze.
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[…] Inc. in North Wackoff, Virginia. A fire broke out in the basement of the building. Following an employee productivity study last year, the fire alarms had been deactivated. Everyone stayed at their desks as the building […]