KYLE-AM .. Kyle In The Morning

By Robert Breckenridge

With much fanfare, the German film “Earth: Destroyed” debuted in theaters across much of North America this weekend. Although billed as an action thriller, the movie has puzzled many in the U.S. as there is almost no dialog in the film.

Reviews have been mixed - according to exit polling conducted by research firm Jimmy Stats Cornne, most men liked it, but most women gave it the thumbs down for being “too boring.”

“I felt like I had been left out of the conversation,” movie critic Janet Parkofong said.

The film is comprised almost entirely of hand to hand combat, trucks blowing up, and air raids. Considering the climax is clearly shown on lobby posters, it’s no spoiler to point out the finale features the Moon crashing into the Earth.

“My eardrums were buzzing after only 15 minutes” of the two hour film, moviegoer Jake Mountinklymer said. “Totally awesome! But once was enough.”

In light of such comments, the movie is not showing the kind of payoff the studio was expecting.

“We invested nearly half-billion U.S. dollars into making this film,” Planetshatter Studios executive Fritz Meineki said. “It had better make profit or there will be consequences.”

Director Arthur Muerte said in an interview that he can’t understand why people haven’t taken more of a liking to the film. “It has everything you could want in a movie, except for all that boring talking and walking around places.”

Muerte added that it doesn’t make any difference to him whether the film succeeds or not since he was paid $30 million to direct the film, which is $10 million more than Peter Jackson was paid to direct King Kong.

“It will make difference to him,” Meineki said. “You have not seen end of story yet.” Meineki refused to explain his comment and hustled into a waiting limo.

Michael Breckenridge contributed to this story.

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