By Robert Breckenridge
In a move to compare Windows to Linux, Microsoft corporation has decided to move to an online distribution system, where they will provide nightly builds of their operating system for people to download and install. Microsoft officials are calling this the “Latest Unstable Version” or LUV for short. Critics are concerned about the potential security problems already inherent in Windows, much less having no time for quality assurance.
“Microsoft has to move really, really fast, and this is how we’re gonna do it,” Steve Ballmer said at the press conference. “Can you feel the LUV? I’m gonna show you my oh-face.”
When industry experts pointed out that Linux distributions have many more people actually checking the code for bugs and developing drivers and compatibility layers for diverse hardware by providing the source code on the CVS code-sharing system, Ballmer said, “This is just for consumers to get a new Windows when we’ve added another breakthrough paradigm.”
A Chevrolet spokesperson was unavailable for comment on the possibility of trademark infringement over the use of the term “LUV”.
By Robert Breckenridge
Following a report released by the Consumer Safety Board earlier today, Hexlark Printers, Inc., is recalling 400,000 printers over concerns about an alleged faulty nuclear print fixing mechanism. The report states that in the event of a power failure, the printer’s heat regulation system will not be able to cool the rods properly, resulting in a nuclear meltdown.
“Hexlark would not be in this pickle if they hadn’t been so zealous in preventing after-market consumables providers from creating products that fit Hexlark printers,” industry critic John Debussy said. Melting the toner to the page can be easily accomplished with standard electric heating systems, he said. “I’m a power user, but not a nuclear power user.”
Hexlark remains belligerent in their stance despite the recall. “Our nuclear heating rods are so safe, you can shove them where the sun don’t shine. Go do yourself,” Hexlark spokesperson Hanmi A. Jay told reporters.
In light of the meltdown issue, General Tommy “Shoot-Em-Up” Gunn of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security expressed concerns over the possibility of a black market trade in “suitcase printers” because they are capable of creating a three megaton blast.
