New Social Network is Far Out, Developers Say
By Michael Breckenridge
SAN FRANCISCO — Imminent social networking site BigNinjaRobots.com ”poses for ultimate greatness,” according to lead site developer Monk Desperatov. The site is scheduled to go live at an invitation-only LAN party offered to movers and shakers from both the open source and social networking communities.
“OMFG, this is the hostest with the mostest,” major blogger Omar Ragu said. “I will *SO* be blogging there. BigNinjaRobots deprecates everything. My new profile and blog are so now, I’m wearing color.” Ragu is not a coder but does bring his public relations knowledge to the partnership. “The mashup is like a hipper skin of Imeem, GarageBand, and DropJack. It’s kuah.”
“We are bumpin’, and I’m not talkin’ forums,” Desperatov said. “This totally truthenizes what MySpace did to Friendster, but *much* cooler.”
“Yeah, those guys are just Mongolian zombie hordes makin’ angry fruit salad,” co-founder Jine Jine Charlottine said.
“Seriously, tho’. They’re the Microsoft of social networks. We’re the Suse Linux,” Desperatov said.
“Me, Monk and Jine Jine were knockin’ back Irish Car Bombs at this geek-out St. Patrick’s Day party when I realized we were the 3 Wise Men,” Ragu said. “I mean, not just because of our alcohol content, but because of our skillz, man. We are loco sick, the mouse in the hizzouse. I mentioned how casters-up so many fugglies are when Monk’s hardcore ideas just started spillin’.”
“I’m a time travelin’, buzzin’, rappin’, freakin’ ninja, man,” Desperatov said while busting some moves and flashing gang signs.
“Haha, he’s our designated drunk,” Charlottine said.
“We’re all the designated drunk,” Ragu said.
I’m an anal fistin’ kamikaze june bug surfer on acid having sex on the beach in my Dana Point paradise, you muthafuckas,” Desperatov said as he swizzled an Oreo Lebowski.
“Haha, da boss is da bomb, check that,” Charlottine said.
“But seriously, those other nets are gonna be drawin’ aces cuz of us,” Desperatov said. “We’re talkin’ bagged and tagged.”
“Not that we’re tossin’ gauntlets, understand,” Ragu said, schlepping into his P.R. mode. “In fact, we’re offering a Toyota signature Adam Carolla Corolla to any competing exec who’d like to break their site’s crayons and pac-man our debt load. We’ll even throw in the big office. How twee is that?”
BigNinjaRobots hopes to start an IPO as soon as any exchange will let them. First, however, they’ll need some empty suits to give them the right appeal to the financial world. “We will totally excessorize the right exec. No shit,” Ragu said.
“They just need to cowgirl up their technolust for reals,” Desperatov said. “No dap and dip bluetooling allowed. This is technosexual.”
“Yeah, it’s like, DropJack’s got the face card but we’re all sevens, man, cuz seven eight nine,” Charlottine said. “Who’s your mac daddy now?”
“Double true,” Ragu said.
