Bad Puns
By Michael Breckenridge
Bad puns are humorous little jokes that use ironic juxtaposition and other English language pyrotechnics to give the reader a little thrill, ending in a smirk and a hearty groan: “Oh, that’s so bad!” Let’s begin:
Why did the farmer bring his old cattle to the front of the barn and load his young ones in the back?
He was rotating stock.
I think I’ll start a new company called Dicker. It will sell two products. One will be alcoholic beverages in bottles. The second will be an alcoholic rub with DMSO for faster absorption. That way, people can enjoy a Dicker Liquor, or if they’re in a hurry, a quicker Dicker Liquor.
What is always true about sex?
There are no “hard and fast” rules.
What is a sex joke?
A quickie story with a humorous climax.
What do hillbillies call a Christmas dance?
A ho-ho-hoe-down.
What movie is Spielberg working on featuring giraffes?
Giraffic Park.
What did the elephant in Los Angeles who dressed up as a ghost for Halloween call himself?
L.A. Phantom
What movie stars a monarch who can’t tell the truth?
The Lyin’ King
What do you call a pot full of knobs that turn?
A crock a’ dials
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