Assassin Storms Crowded Manhattan Bar With Hail Of Bullets
By Michael Breckenridge
One of the world’s highest paid assassins, Viktor Trench-Côte, found his career cut short yesterday evening at a Manhattan bar during an impromptu weapons test.
“I saw this video for Metal Storm on Metacafe. She is the most powerful gun in the world and I knew I had to have her,” Trench-Côte said in an exclusive interview from his maximum security cell at a location undisclosed for security reasons. “I had the weapon with me at the bar when I decided to try out a mentalism trick I learned online.”
“‘Think of a numeral between 1 and 10,’ I told this gentleman on the stool next to me. ‘OK, now multiply it by 2. Don’t forget the original numeral, OK? Now add 8 to the new numeral and divide by 2. Now subtract your original numeral from your new numeral. At this point, the gentleman say to me, ‘I forgot my original numeral.’ So I called him some unpleasant things and got up.”
Trench-Côte found a bell at the end of the bar and rang it. People quieted down a bit and he said aloud in his French accent, “Who wants to get shot for free?” Everyone raised their hand.
“It surprised me a little bit how many people volunteered, but they were consenting adults, so I thought, ‘Eh, who cares?’ I needed to know if the gun would live up to its advertising. It did.” At that moment, Trench-Cote pulled out his automatic weapon and mowed down all the bar patrons.
The bartender immediately called police. Squads of blue uniformed men and women poured into the building, nabbing Trench-Côte before he could escape. The battalion in blue was quickly followed by an entourage of ambulance paramedics.
Surprisingly, one of the responding units was the infamous ambulance from Lodz, Poland. The doctor and nurse picked up badly wounded but still living victims of the shooting and delivered them straight to local funeral homes.
“I didn’t expect the ambulance from Lodz,” the battalion chief said to the doctor and nurse. They exclaimed in unison: “No one expected the ambulance from Lodz!“
One Response to “Assassin Storms Crowded Manhattan Bar With Hail Of Bullets”
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Perhaps I should have used the silent but deadly DREAD centrifuge powered weapon instead. Like this one:
http://www.boingboing.net/2006/12/28/silent_but_deadly_dr.html
Eh, oh well.